TELSTRA – COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN
by Sasha Uzunov
You have an elderly parent, a
pensioner, who still has a landline telephone and has stubbornly
stuck with major Australian telecommunication company (telco),
TELSTRA for 30 years. They speak English with a very thick Southern
European accent or a really thick Scottish accent that not even Mel
Gibson in Braveheart can decipher.
They have worked hard, paid their
taxes, obeyed the laws and their children have assimilated intro
mainstream Australian society.
The phone does not work and so as the
dutiful son or daughter, who speaks English with an Australian
accent, better than Aussie larrikin comedian Kevin “Bloody”
Wilson, you call on behalf of your parent to notify TELSTRA of the
fault. You get a man or a woman on the line, someone with a Filipino
accent in the outsourced overseas call centre, who has trouble
understanding you.
Now you realise why your parent got you
to call in the first place. Your mum or dad have got high blood
pressure and having to go through an hour with someone in Manila or
Luzon City just isn't good for their health.
Your Southern European parent has
shopped all their life at Preston Market, in the multicultural suburb
in Melbourne's north. They proudly shout: “Ay go to Prestons
Markets for bargins,” which translated means “I go to Preston
Market for bargains.”
They also say something like: “Put im
bek,” meaning “put it back.” Or “Ay vont pis ov tik klot
material,” meaning “I want a piece of thick cloth material.”
So how in the hell is the overseas
TELSTRA call centre guy or gal going to comprehend?!
Getting back to Kevin “Bloody”
Wilson, you remember his naughty but hugely funny comedy hit song:
“stick that phone up your f#### a####,” about an Aussie
bloke with a speech impediment calling the operator for assistance
and being given the run around because the operator cannot understand
a word the caller is saying.
As the dutiful son or daughter you ring
up TELSTRA on your personal mobile (cell) phone to notify that your
parent's telephone is not working. The operator asks for the account
details, which you give, but then says that they can't do anything
because you are not calling from the telephone with the fault.
After 15 minutes you eventually
convince them that the reason why you are not calling from the faulty
telephone is because it is faulty! You then get hit with but we can't
access your parent's account because you don't have permission.
After 20 minutes of arguing you
convince them that you don't need access to your parent's account nor
for that matter any secrets from ASIO, CIA or the NSA! So TELSTRA,
convinced that this is not an Al Qaeda terror plot, sends out a
technician and finds the fault is with the line outside. They send
you a SMS text message with a logged job number. The fault is fixed
but your phone, through no fault of your parent, has been down for a
week or so.
So once again you call TELSTRA to ask
on behalf of your parent asking if they can get a part refund or a
lowering of the phone bill because it was out of action.
The operator hits you with but TELSTRA
can't do anything because you don't have permission to access your
parent's phone account. But you explain you don't want to access the
account; that you don't want the cash. You are simply passing on
information for TELSTRA to act upon.
But the answer is the same. You don't
have permission to access your parent's account. You explain that you
where the one who notified TELSTRA of the fault. But the answer is
the same. You don't have permission to access your parent's account.
So following TELSTRA's logic, why is it
that the phone bill you or your parent receives every month is
compiled without a TELSTRA operator calling you or your parent every
month to ask your permission to access the respective account. You
tell that to the operator and the answer is the same: You don't have
permission to access your parent's account.
1 comment:
I hear you Team Uzunov - loud and clear. All you can do is ask what is required by morons wherever to make you a person who is authorised on a particular account, and follow the process. Although, I have set up a business account with me as the authorised contact and someone in Manilla told me I wasn't authorised to trasact on the account. However, Telstra is more than willing to take money from my credit card each month - go figure - someone needs their face slapped hard to help them wake up!!
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